


perfect start to the finish line

by orangetree, redrocketracer



Category: South Park
Genre: Car Accidents, M/M, Past creek, and starts to fall for craig, blood transfusion mention, kenny recieves Tweeks memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-10-09 19:37:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17412992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangetree/pseuds/orangetree, https://archiveofourown.org/users/redrocketracer/pseuds/redrocketracer
Summary: Tweek and Craig’s relationship was a perfect start. They were kids and in love as much as kids could be. However, they are not each other’s finish line. Just another page turnt.Kenny McCormick sincerely hopes he can be Craig’s ending chapter. As he relives Tweek’s memories of their relationship after a car accident and blood transfusion, he falls for Craig. He realizes there is more to him than he could ever perceive from the surface. He learns more and more, getting closer to Craig through memory and in real time.





	1. damn squirrels

Kenny shouldn’t have tested time. Realistically he should know better. Obtaining his Licensed Practical Nursing certificate should be more significant than trying to get some action on a Sunday Night. Yet, here he is. Rushing passed farmland with mountains in the distance. The scenery blending together in blurs of yellows and browns, greens from the fields. Grays of the sky and mountains. He gets closer and closer to South Park, closer to his professors disappointed countenance at his tardiness.

 

Just a few more seconds to pass the “Welcome to South Park” sign. As he thinks it Kenny sees the landmark in the distance. It’s littered with graffiti now, has been since he was in middle school. The surrounding area has changed from those browns and greens to more snow whites and purple grey sky. 

 

Kenny lets out a sigh of relief as he passes the sign, slowing his pace. His gaze drifts to the side rather briefly to look at it. There is no significance behind it other than a quick distraction. As his eyes dart back to the road there is a small blur of brown. A squirrel. It dashes out in front of Kenny’s car, on reflex Kenny jerks the steering wheel to the left. 

 

There is the sound of Kenny’s “fucking squirrel!” Tires screeching as the car quickly spins into the direction of the sign. The sound of the wood being slammed into, crushed by the weight of Kenny’s vehicle. It happens so fast, and Kenny can feel his heart pounding in his ears. No matter how many times he does he never gets used it. Finally, the car slams into a tree. 

 

It’s landed into the bark on the drivers side. The window is crushed and Kenny sits behind the wheel. The airbag inflated.

 

There is blood escaping wounds, deep gashes that would only be visible to Kenny in the morning through a glance at his reflection.

 

For now he sits unconscious, deep black as he awaits death. Then ultimately, resurrection.

 

*

 

This isn’t hell. It’s the first thing that Kenny can comprehend. It isn’t heaven, either. It smells sweet like cakes and coffee. Bright, like it would be had Kenny been sent to heaven. Except the smell…

 

It starts to come in perspective now, and Kenny can see his hands gripping onto a mug full of coffee. His attention is down on a book of alien abductions. Strange. It dawns on Kenny that these hands aren’t his own. They shake and jitter, causing some of the coffee to splash into the black jeans that most definitely don’t belong to him.

 

A turn of page. Coffee placed down. Cinnamon roll picked up.

 

Someone calls for him, but it’s not his name. He can’t quite make it out, like it’s muffled. Like this dream is a dimmed replay.

 

Next thing Kenny knows his shaking hands are extended and full of bird seed. A little blue and white parakeet chirps as she eats out of his palms.

 

Kenny’s attention drifts away from this. Dropping the food into the birds feeder. He looks up to someone next to him. 

 

All Kenny sees before he wakes up is a braces adorned smile.

 

*

 

Kenny wakes up to white ceiling, the view of it coming into perspective as his eyelids flutter open.

 

It’s quite minus the sound of beeping. Kenny looks to his right, and takes in the sight before him. A heart monitor, an IV. He’s in the hospital, which means...

 

He lived this time.

 

It’s strange, and Kenny has to do a double take. How long was he out? What was that dream? He vaguely remembers it. It wasn’t heaven or hell, so.

 

What?

 

It’s a question Kenny knows will never be answered. He knows comas are a strange thing, has experienced them more than once. He’s assuming that’s what that was.

 

Whichever the case, he could really kill for a cup of coffee. He hopes his organs that aren’t  necessary are not being harvested in some strange black market that this hospital is involved in. Oh god, oh man.

 

Kenny scolds himself for the thought, shocked that it even came to mind. It’s heavily unlike him.

 

He doesn’t even like coffee, either.

 


	2. This is just us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig Tucker liked things a certain way, his way. Change is coming and for once he wasn't afraid of that

Craig Tucker liked everything a certain way. It had to be his way, which was the right way. He had his routines and his order and if things weren’t done his way, he didn’t understand how to handle that. He woke up at the same time every single morning, he ate the same breakfast, he took the same route to school. He had the same friends since kindergarten, he would make a new one here or there along the way, but he stuck with the same core group. He knew them, they knew him, they knew how to approach him. That was how he needed things to be so he could function as a productive person.

Tweek Tweak was an unconventional start to a very easy going relationship. He may not have chosen him as a partner at first. He was so emotional and he wouldn't listen to reason. He was very loud. But as they grew together, they grew together. He learned how to handle him as a person and as a partner. Tweek learned how to handle Craig too. He was moody and secretive and could be very rigid. Tweek came in and gently coaxed out an emotionally functioning person with great effect. He felt Tweek supportively squeeze his hand during marathon study sessions. He took him to the Planetarium for their anniversary and he even named a star after Craig. He comforted him when Stripe 4 died, holding him in his arms and stroking over his back gently. Feeling Tweek’s fingers work out the knots in his bony spine, kiss the top of his head gently.

“I loved her so much Tweek, I dont think Ive loved something as much as I loved her.” He sobbed against his chest as Tweek stroked his hair.

“I know baby, it will be ok I promise.” Tweek sounded so wise for a thirteen year old. He ended up falling asleep against his chest, clutching the front of Tweek’s olive green sweater in his hand. When he awoke and saw he was still there, still holding him, he realized Tweek was truly an ideal partner for an emotionally crippled middle schooler. He looked up at Tweek with his huge brown eyes and kissed him so sweetly and so gently, it shook him to his core. He didn’t know he could open up to a person like this. It was easy to love Stripe or his telescope or even his family. But to open himself up and love a person was hard. It scared him. 

Even though their relationship had run its course, he was better for it. Tweek taught him to be more open to new things, to open himself up a little. He learned how to process his feelings, soothe him in his own way. Tweek didn’t need logic, he needed someone to be there for him. Craig needed someone to tell him everything was going to be ok, that the world won’t stop spinning if something didn’t go his way. They were good together for a long time, but as relationships tend to be when you’re young, it ran it’s course. He was ok with this, even with the change it brought into his life, he still felt happy to have Tweek in his life. They loved each other, but they weren’t in love with each other. That was ok too.

He stirred in the chair next to Kenny’s bed, waiting for him to wake up. He didn’t know why he remembered that, the night Stripes died. Maybe it was this ever present worry of death, this thing that seemed to hang around Kenny. He could feel it sometimes, this ominous presence. He couldn’t explain what it was or what it meant. But he felt it was there. He could see Kenny start to stirr and reached over and took his tanned hand in his. Kenny’s hand was bigger than his, it was a little rougher with the mechanic work he did on the weekends for Craig’s dad’s body shop alongside his brother. He laced his long slender fingers through his and pressed their palms together.

“Hey. have you been here long?” Kenny’s voice was slightly scratchy, rumbling from being out so long. The sun was coming in through the blinds and there were slices of gold highlighting Kenny’s blond hair, making it shine. His eyes were very blue and his skin was tanned and freckled. He looked handsome even when banged up and it made Craig’s cheeks flush.

“No, I just got here, I brought you some things.” He reached into his worn down blue Fjallraven backpack. “A get well card that everyone signed.” Everyone being Stan, Tricia, Tweek, Karen and him. “Stan said this was really stupid, but I like it.” He motioned towards a vase with a bouquet of Reese’s peanut butter cups. He would be very pleased if he got this. He was actually sort of hoping Kenny was in the sharing mood.

“Very thoughtful, I’ll make sure to put them in chocolate syrup.” Kenny’s laugh was low and rumbling and Craig felt his stomach flip flop. Craig Tucker was awkward and gangly and didn’t understand human nature sometimes. He craved the security of being with someone who he did love, but he wasn’t in love with. Love was reckless and it was hard. It made you lose control and make decisions that weren’t as logical as they could have been. He could feel these waves of want, they churned in his stomach and made his skin feel flushed and too tight. 

He knew Kenny wasn’t interested in him, he had never shown signs otherwise. All through high school he was with Tweek, everyone knew about the power couple that was Creek. They were good together though, he would never look back on Tweek with anything but fondness. They were best friends, spent more time together than anyone else. Tweek understood him, he knew how to relate to him in a way most people didn’t. Tweek was an ideal partner at the time, even if he wondered that after these years if they should be in love. He loved him so much, they were so close, they did everything together. But he didn’t feel that big overwhelming passionate love for him. He loved his company. He loved how he walked him home from school and he held his hand in the hallway. He loved that Tweek grew taller than him, he loved his green eyes and crooked nose. He thought he was probably attracted to him, he had nice arms from playing drums in the marching band and he smelled like coffee. They had just opened the pandora’s box of sex. It was this locked door and they were always too afraid to touch it. But one night, they got brave. Tweek did everything technically right. Everything was gentle and he opened him up with his fingers, lots of lube, sweet encouraging words.

“I won't hurt you, I promise.” Tweek panted softly against the junction where his throat, marred by Tweek’s marks, met his shoulder. “I want you to remember everything, this is just us.” Tweek’s hands were on his bony hips as he pressed in slowly. He took him so gently, it was slow and perfect and he would remember every moment of it. He felt close to Tweek, he felt closer to him than he had ever felt to another person. But there was still this part of him that knew it wasn’t right. It was a good first time, it was one he would look back on and he didn’t regret it. But he knew in his heart, something was just a little off. Like a puzzle that was missing a piece. The picture was still there, but it wasn’t exactly right.

He looked over at Kenny talking to his sister, he was trying to get out of bed. He wasn’t someone who just sat still. He liked to be busy and be moving. He helped his family out, worked on the weekends and in the evening when he wasn’t at school. He studied hard, dreaming of being a nurse. Craig respected him, he understood having drive. He worked too, the front desk of his dad’s body shop. He studied harder than anyone he knew, with the right grades, he could transfer to a good school. It was just more economical to attend a community college while finishing up his prereq courses. Then once he was ready to jump into his major, he would have some decent money saved up. He could also stay close to South Park, Tweek and Kenny were still here. He could help his parents out at home, take Tricia to school and do chores around the house. Craig Tucker was a practical person, he had run the data, done the numbers, this all worked out.

He looked at the empty seat next to him in his freshman english class. Kenny sat next to him and they always doodled little notes to each other. They were reading Thomas Mann’s Death in Venice. He always left little notes for Kenny, passages to reread, parts that stuck with him. He put his backpack on Kenny’s seat, so no one else would take it. Even when he wasn’t there, he wanted to feel like he was next to him. The day seemed so much longer without him being here. 

“Dude, I was talking to you.” Stan Marsh waved his hand in front of his face as he stared off into space at lunch. He was picking at his salad and moving vegetables around on his plate. “Do you want to study for our history test tonight?” He dipped a fry in ketchup. 

“Yeah, I suppose. I have to work until 5 though and then I might go see Kenny.” He tossed the rest of his salad in the trash. Had he always thought about Kenny like this? Was the accident bringing up feelings that he had long held dormant? Loss was something that at this young age was still foreign to him. It hurt like a bruise he couldn’t stop pressing on. Even with the distraction of basically teaching Stan the last two history chapters, he couldn’t stop thinking about Kenny absence. He felt like there was part of him that was gone and that was insane. He underestimated his importance clearly, but he shouldn’t have. He pulled his knobby knees up to his chest and watched Stan put a cup of coffee down in front of him, preparing for a long night. He wasn’t wrong, it felt like it was never ending. He let Stan sleep on the left side of his bed, the side Tweek used to sleep on. His gentle snoring should have put him to sleep, but it didn’t. It just made everything feel more real, crystal clear realization that he felt really alone and he might have a little crush on someone. This was all new, uncharted territory.

His days were mundane as he waited for Kenny to take his place back in his life. To sit next to him in class and eat his lunch with him. The days they studied together or laid in the bed of Kenny’s truck looking at the stars. Listening to music and driving around for hours. The things teenagers did when they were bored in small towns. The air was cold again, they were back to January. The glittering frost that seemed to peer in on him late at night through his window. He laid under his weighted blanket and looked up at the glow in the dark stars still pasted on his ceiling. He could remember the day he put them up there with Clyde, mapping out the constellations so carefully. He wondered if he was missing out on something important. He always felt like everyone knew something he didn’t, they had this instinct he was born without. His parents alternated treating him like an adult, they weren’t the most touch feely family, they had frank discussions on what was best for the family. Or on the other hand they still treated him like a kid, inquiring where he was going and who he was going with. He still had a curfew on weeknights and they wanted to meet anyone he was going out with. Not that he was out doing anything he shouldn’t have been, he had never been someone who really rebelled. He was Craig Tucker, he liked things plain and boring. It was easier to just do what he was told, he had long grown out of his trouble making ways back in elementary school. He was a good kid. He got the grades, he abided by the rules, he was someone you could count on. This was his role and he was content in it.

“Kenny is coming home today dude.” Stan told him as they walked into their history class. “We should do something nice for him.” Stan tossed his backpack to the floor and pulled out a worn down one subject notebook. He looked like he was clearly using it for every subject, but Craig wasn’t trying to judge. But he was, so very hard. It was no wonder he ended up at community college.

“Maybe Tweek can make some cupcakes and we bring over a movie.” He took out his binder and his book. “Something low key.” He added pointedly. Stan just shot a knowing smile in his direction. He didn’t like that look either. 

Kenny looked a little banged up, bruised and beaten, but he was in one piece and all smiles. He accepted their cupcakes, chocolate with a buttercream icing, very tasty. A movie they thought he would like, Night School with Kevin Hart and Tiffany Haddish, it was very stupid, but funny. They were getting Kenny settled in, a pillow behind his back, a blanket over his lap. They made sure he was loved up and comfortable, just as he deserved.

“Hey Tweek, did you bring over any coffee?” He asked him. That was strange, Kenny didn’t drink coffee. He was an energy drink person. 

“You don't drink coffee man.” Tweek was seated next to Craig. He had his legs in Tweek’s lap and he felt his hand stall, he was rubbing his ankle gently, soothing.

“I know dude, but I'm just craving some. I've been craving it since the hospital. I don't know, I've developed a taste for it.” Kenny shrugged. Tweek sighed and gently moved Craig’s legs off of him and went into the kitchen to start a pot. Tastes change, people evolve, it was the way of the world. Even if Craig had questions about Kenny’s sudden about face on the topic of coffee of all things, people’s tastes change as they get older. 

He looked over at Kenny and gave him a little closed mouth smile, just the edges of his lips quirked up. There was bigger changes coming. He could feel it. For once, he wasn’t really afraid of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some Creek in it as background information.


	3. a free man

Another strange dream.

 

This time just slightly clearer. Kenny can make out a hallway, the one belonging to his highschool. The faces are slightly smeared, blurred. The person Kenny is in his dreams turns to open his locker and a book falls out.

 

The jittering hand reaches down to pick it up, where a picture printed on what Kenny assumes is a Polaroid is distorted. It’s taped to the book, which is shoved back into the confines of the locker.

 

There is a shift, everything just transitions and Kenny is no longer in the hallway. He looks to his right to the snowy streets of South Park. It’s from a glossy, tall window. A storefront. A cup of coffee is in Kenny’s grasp again. The shaky hand uses one of those little stirrers to mix up the liquid with sugar and creamer.

 

Kenny looks up to see he’s sitting across from a faceless figure. There is no identifying qualities to them. He can tell, no, feel it, though. Whatever this person across from him is saying is breaking his heart.

 

*

Kenny wakes up to the dim lighting of his hospital room. He takes a deep breath and swipes at his cheek, where he feels freshly fallen tears. His nose is a bit runny and he reaches to his side to grab a tissue. Kenny wipes it all up. Discarding the napkin in the waste bin on the other side of his bed.

 

There is evidence of the visitors he has had. Tweek has left the movie they were watching on the mantle of the window. The Reese’s flowers Craig brought him sits on his bedside next to the box of tissues. Lastly, the cupcakes also have their place on the same mantle where the dvd sits.

 

Kenny reaches to pluck on of the candies off of their stem. Unraveling it and popping it into his mouth. Without much thought into it Kenny reaches for the chilled cup of coffee Tweek left behind. He downs it in a second, flat. Then throws the litter into the garbage with his tissues.

 

He should get back to sleep, no matter how strange his dreams are becoming.

 

There really isn’t much to analyze about it. Dreams are a weird thing. The mind is a mystery. Kenny knows, his life is riddled with them.

 

*

 

The next day, Karen pushes Kenny in his wheelchair towards the exit of the hospital. Kenny takes in a deep breath. Feeling the crisp and cool air of South Park nip at his face.

 

“I’m a free man.” Kenny announces. Kevin, his brother lets out a scoff. Kenny doesn’t have to look at him to feel the eye roll.

 

“Just try not to get yourself in more trouble. Or you’ll end up back here. Or worse.” Kevin lets out as Karen pushes Kenny towards their truck.

 

“Nothing’s worse than that unit, bro. Everyone is crying, or dying. Doesn’t make for good conversation.” Kenny retorts. Kevin lets out a sigh and Karen a chuckle. They have arrived to the truck and Kenny stands, pulling his keys out of his pocket. Karen had handed them to him, a hesitant look written on her countenance.

 

“I’ll be fine.” He reassured her. Squeezing onto her shoulder.

 

Kevin goes to take the wheelchair back inside as Kenny goes to unlock his fathers vehicle. Karen making way to the passenger side to squeeze into the middle.

 

When they are all buckled up they wait for Kevin to return. Kenny starts up the truck and Karen fiddles around with the radio. She settles on a rock station as Kevin returns, closing the door as he gets situated. Kenny looks behind him rather briefly before pulling out.

 

“So, tell us. Why exactly were you rushing? What made you crash?” Karen pries as they turn onto the Main Street. Kenny lets out a low whistle at the question.

 

“Aw man. I was trying to get some pussy. Squirrel jumped out on me as soon as I got into town. I was trying to get to class on time.” Kenny explains. Karen lets out a sigh. Kevin remains quiet to this. His gaze outside the window at passing storefronts. They are not far from home. The train tracks are in view.

 

“If I didn’t know you better I’d think you are a pig. And a squirrel? Really?” Karen question. Kenny grins, gap toothed and slightly yellow. He doesn’t need to explain to Karen the fragility of life. She would think he’s stupid. Kenny has died so many times that all life forms are significant to him. Even those belonging to a squirrel.

 

“Yup. We’re bros. Couldn’t let my buddies death be on my hands.” He jokes. Kevin lets out a groan. Karen just shakes her head.

 

They pull into their front lawn where previous tire marks had made a makeshift driveway. On the side of the house you can see Kenny’s beaten up Subaru. He doesn’t direct his attention on it. Turning his keys in the ignition and pulling it out. The cars purring comes to a halt.

 

Their father is working while their mother is asleep in her room. The house is just as inviting as it could be. Which isn’t saying a lot, but it’s home. Kenny makes way to the kitchen where he fills up a cup of water. Then crosses the distance to his room. He knows Karen has taken care of his plants while he’s gone but he goes to check, anyways.

 

Kenny’s room is almost the same as it’s always been. Tattered curtains, mattress on its place on the floor. Posters of cars and woman. The only difference is his plants. They are all set up on his windowsill. Kenny goes to them, checking if they need water. They don’t, so he opts to chat to them briefly.

 

His favorite is his cactus.

 

She’s small, prickled and green. Kenny leans close to her.

 

“Ah yes. My sweet Beatrice. I have returned.” He coos to her. There is no response, briefly the thought that maybe someone put cameras in his plants, maybe the government is watching him crosses his mind.

 

Kenny stifles that. He can’t comprehend why he’s been so paranoid lately.

 

*

 

It’s only thirty minutes into being home that Kenny hops into the truck and makes way to Harbucks. Coffee, coffee, coffee. It’s all he can really say he wants to drink lately.

 

This shift in taste is one he cannot explain. He’s always been an energy drink person. Coffee always tasted too bitter for his liking. Even with copious amounts of sugar. However, Kenny stands in line at Harbucks. Itching for the beverage.

 

When it’s his turn Kenny makes his order. He stands impatiently for it. Fingers tapping the surface of the counter. Uhg, hurry up.

 

Finally the drink is in his hands. He takes a sip. It’s not the greatest coffee. It will suffice.

 

*

 

Kenny is back at work the next day. He’s checking the fluids of a car. Seeing if the vehicle is low on transmission oil. It is, so he goes up front where Craig sits. The other has his nose buried in his cellphone. Tapping something into the search engine of google. Kenny sneaks up behind him, leaning down to look over his shoulder. He rests his chin there.

 

“Whatcha searching, Craigo?” Kenny pries. Craig freezes and Kenny can tell his face is a few shades redder. A blush spread across tan cheeks.

 

Kenny knows Craig Tucker likes him. It’s not something he really let Craig know. He doesn’t want that awkward conversation of “I’m not interested.”

 

It’s not professional, either, as they work together.

 

So Kenny keeps it to himself.

 

“Nothing.” Craig says dryly. Kenny eyes skim over the text, the allagash abductions.

 

Huh.

 

“The allagash abductions huh? It’s the one where they were camping. Oh Fuck. Imagine that. Remember the senior camping trip? Totally could of been us, oh man.” Kenny lets out. He sounds panicked to his own ears which is not like him. It must not sound like him to Craig, either. He looks to Kenny. He smiles though his eyebrows are cocked in confusion.

 

“You didn’t strike me as the type to care about alien conspiracy theories” Craig states. Kenny has to pause because oh...he isn’t. He’s never even heard of this particular conspiracy. It just came to him.

 

“I’m...not.” Kenny says, though hesitant. Craig looks at him. Perplexed. His big, sleepy brown eyes are on Kenny’s blues. Kenny looks up.

 

“I need some transmission fluid.” Kenny states as he gazes over to the shelving unit I front of them. Across from the desk. He makes way to it, leaving Craig behind. Kenny grabs what he needs and returns back to the car.

 

He’s pouring the fluid where it needs to be when he thinks of Craig’s mouth. The small, hesitant smile with braces adorning teeth.

 

Deja vu.

 

It’s almost like he’s seen it before. Which of course he has. Kenny has made Craig smile plenty. However, this is different.

 

It’s like he saw it somewhere else. In a memory that doesn’t belong to him.

 

Weird.

 

Kenny wipes some of the perspiration away from his face. Picking up the cup of coffee he left on the table on the side.


	4. The yearning of wanting something more and wanting what you had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all could be somewhere else, doing anything else. All of them clever in their own way, people that could have gone on and made a mark on the world. But here they were. Driving around in Kenny’s beat up Subaru, drinking half melted slurpees and listening to State Champs on repeat.

Craig couldn’t stop thinking about the deja vu feeling he had after his conversation with Kenny at work. It sounded like Tweek. He used to shriek about alien abductions and the dangers of camping. He wrote about this extensively on his blog.

“Kenny must have gotten bored and read Tweek’s ridiculous blog.” He thought as he was filing last week’s walk in paperwork. Craig’s dad kept extensive records concerning every little transaction, he was as organized as son. His mother was too, he was the perfect product of two type A people. It really should have shocked no one that he was the way he was. 

Tweek’s conspiracy blog was a source of conflict between the two of them. He didn’t understand why Tweek couldn’t see things logically and Tweek refused to understand why Craig thought this was all such nonsense. He tried to be supportive, gave him comments or likes here and there, but every time he read it, he swore he was a step closer to breaking up with him. He really hoped he hadn’t sent Kenny down this road, his type could not be paranoid blonds, that would just be embarrassing. 

Kenny, Stan and him were waiting outside of their history teacher’s office. He told Stan and Craig if they came by early in the morning, he would give them their grades on that last test they took.

“If I don’t get at least a C, Im going to have to take this class again. I will kill myself if Im stuck in this class for a second time.” Stan hoisted his backpack strap up on his back. Craig shot him a murderous look.

“I spent hours teaching you the material, if you get a C, you won’t have to worry about taking the course again. I’ll just fucking murder you for wasting my time.” He raised his chin up at Stan. Idiot boy. He was disorganized and messy and he was starting to drive him insane. He should have never signed up for classes with him, why did he let Kenny talk him into that? Looking at Stan’s one subject notebook and garbage filled backpack made his skin feel itchy for some reason. 

“Good I hope you do, either way I get to die then.” Stan nudged him with his shoulder and Craig rolled his eyes at him. He wasn’t in the mood for this nonsense this early in the morning.

“Come on Craiggo, Im sure Stan absorbed some of the material. A tiny bit.” Kenny threw a toned arm around his bony shoulder. He tried not to physically react to his touch. He was trying to push this all down. He broke up with Tweek because he wanted to see what it would be like to actually be in love with someone. Now he was starting to feel the stirrings of romantic feelings and it was too much. He felt very overwhelmed by this turn of events. He wished he could go back to the way it was before sometimes. When things were easy and familiar and he could navigate this easily.

“We’re here so early.” Tweek walked in looking half dead. He had two take out cups of coffee in his hands and handed one to Craig without being prompted. Tweek brought him coffee every morning, sometimes he would feel generous and would toss in a toasted croissant. That was his favourite take out breakfast, of course Tweek knew that. He knew all the things he liked, it was so easy back then. Why did he have to make this harder on himself? He hated change, that was his constant. He invited change to his doorstep, allowed it to make it’s self at home. 

“I need to see my grade dude, stop whining.” Stan reached into his backpack and pulled out a five hour energy bottle. “And thanks for the coffee for the rest of us, really nice if you to offer.” Craig flipped him off for Tweek, that would never change.

“Can I have a drink of your coffee?” Kenny murmured in his ear. He just wordlessly passed him the cup. He figured Kenny could have his coffee and he would share with Tweek. He really wasn’t great at this whole sharing thing, he always ended up giving the person what they wanted. Also he didn’t like putting his mouth where someone else’s mouth was. You dont know what sort of germs they had. Better safe than sorry.

“Honey can I have some of your coffee?” He reached for Tweek’s cup and took a sip before he could answer. It was cocaine strong and black. Not a splash of almond milk or raw sugar. It was bitter, but at least he knew where Tweek’s mouth had been.

“Sure babe, just put some sugar in it.” Tweek handed him a raw sugar pack from his backpack. He always had extra coffee supplies on him, perks of owning a coffee shop. He tipped it in and swished it around. It was good enough.

“There’s our professor, lets ambush him.” Stan pulled at Craig’s elbow and followed their professor to his office. Stan ended up with a B-, which Craig made a face at. He of course had an A, but that’s what being organized will do for you.

“Can I ask you something?” Kenny was doodling at the edge of his notes. He looked over at him, taking his eyes reluctantly off the board. Their teacher was explaining some sort of equation and he knew he would need to remember this later.

“Make it quick.” He was following along with the practise problems. This was why he didn’t want to take classes with all his friends, they always expected him to take the notes, keep all their grades afloat. Stan was just staring off into space and Tweek was looking at something on his phone. These assholes. 

“What's up with Tweek and you?” Kenny knew they broke up over the summer, he remembered seeing Craig all huddled up under his weighted blanket. He already had sad eyes, but they were shiny with wet tears. Nothing really seemed to change between them, Craig still called Tweek honey and helped him with his homework. Listened to his ranting, read his blog. Tweek still called him baby, brought him coffee and carried his backpack. It wasn’t his business, but it was the strangest breakup he had ever seen.

“Nothing, you know we’re broken up, just pay attention.” He waved him off gently. He definitely didn’t want to talk about this with Kenny. Or anyone else. He hadn’t really opened up about the breakup or the relationship in general. People were so curious about them and always had been. Prying into their business, he felt like the whole town was watching them sometimes. It was a relief when it was over in a way. He felt like he was his own person, he wasn’t part of this set that people forced together. He was Craig Tucker again. He felt like he lost part of himself along the way. He wanted that part back.

“Sorry Craigifer.” Kenny looked back at his notes. They weren’t filled in, honestly, he had no idea what was going on. He figured he would just copy Craig’s notes later. He seemed a little annoyed now, but he always ended up passing out his notes to them. Just wait him out a little bit. 

“What do you guys want to do tonight?” Stan was laying across Craig’s bed with Stripe 7 on his stomach. It was one of those rare nights where they were all off work, no one had any homework or studying to do. It was free and clear. Usually they ended up smoking, getting slurpees or Taco Bell and driving around for hours listening to pop punk. Typical behaviour for bored teenagers in a small town. The yearning of wanting something more and wanting what you had was the pull of South Park. They all could be somewhere else, doing anything else. All of them clever in their own way, people that could have gone on and made a mark on the world. But here they were. Driving around in Kenny’s beat up Subaru, drinking half melted slurpees and listening to State Champs on repeat. 

“Probably what we always do.” Tweek was sitting at Craig’s desk. He picked up a framed picture of Craig and Tricia in Joshua Tree on a camping vacation last year. Tricia looked grumpy and he looked apathetic, so a normal day in the Tucker household. 

Kenny’s truck smelled like wedding cake flavoured weed, a cheap mango air freshener and the sharp musky citrus of his cologne. Craig was seated between Kenny and Tweek, passing the vape pen back and forth. The air was frigid and the snow was just starting to fall. It was a pretty night, one that made his wish he was closest to the window. He looked over at Kenny and gave him that little closed mouth smile, the edges of his lips quirked up. Kenny’s arm was pressed up against his and he could feel the warmth of his parka through the wool of his toggle coat. He knew Kenny wasn’t attracted to him, but for a moment he could just sit here like this with him. With their arms pressed to each other as Kenny drove, for one moment, he could be brave enough to let his arm press to Kenny’s.

They ended up back at the Tuckers like they always did. His parents always had a stocked fridge and they crept quietly up the stairs. Craig passed Tweek a pack of cookies and Stan a can of cherry coke. He looked out the window again, the snow swirling in the air. It was cold and quiet and peaceful. He heard Tweek telling Kenny and Stan about his latest conspiracy theory, the government was tapping your phone, they were funding factory farms to tell you with chemicals. It was one thing after another. Stan just laughed it off and took a sip of his soda and Kenny to his shock asked Tweek for more information. He agreed and that was a surprise. Kenny was one of the easiest going people he knew, he could have just been indulging him, just to be nice. That was a very Kenny thing to do. 

There was part of him that wondered if he was seeing what he wanted to see. That Tweek was familiar and easy and he was trying to force Kenny in that box was well. If he was used to Tweek’s presence and he craved that from the new boy he was developing feelings for. That he was never quite brave enough to really go for something new. That he would end right back here, stuck between the past and too afraid to walk into the future. He curled up next to Tweek on his little full size bed that far too small for four teenagers, but here they were. He was familiar, easy. He smelled like coffee and looked good in green. He knew he liked him, that he was also too afraid to walk through that door of the unfamiliar. 

He felt a warm solid presence behind him, Kenny was on his other side and if that wasn’t a goddamn metaphor than he didn’t know what it was. Trapped between the past and the future and too afraid to move forward. 

Change was inevitable, it came whether you wanted it to or not. He should understand this, but he was doomed to make the same mistakes over and over until he was ready to be brave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig is confused, Kenny is oblivious, Stan is that friend that you need to keep alive and Tweek carries coffee supplies on him


	5. pay attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh sorry if this is late we both got caught up in other things—I hope you enjoy!

“My sweet Beatrice.” Kenny calls out as he throws his car keys to his bed. He crosses the distance to the plant, pouring some of the contents of his water bottle into her soil. He has not fed nor talked her or her siblings in a few days. Kenny has been consumed in playing catch up with school and working. 

 

With tan, bandaged up hands Kenny reaches out to wipe some of the dirt off of Beatrice’s pot. Leaning down to her level.

 

“My dearest, lovely Beatrice...how lucky you are.” Kenny coos. He moves to his other plants, Eloise, Elmer and Helena. The remainder of the water bottle is spread across the four. 

 

“No worries or complications. Just thirst and sucking in sun rays for you, my love.” Kenny lets out as he drops the water bottle among the plenty on the floor. He goes to his bed, laying back to get a view of the cracked ceiling. He knows each one by heart, each line and crease. Each pattern. Yet as he looks at the formations he can’t help but make out something new in them.

 

Humans are kind of like that, too.

 

Kenny is brought back to hanging out with what has become his usual squad. Stan, Tweek and Craig. They are all the same people as he knew in elementary school, realistically. But also...not.

 

Kenny is brought to Craig and Tweek mostly. They broke up, Kenny knows this. He didn’t need that clarification from Craig. He just wanted to understand. They are lines and scribbles that make a pattern that Kenny has to look at differently. They aren’t together anymore. They still refer to each other by pet names and act like a couple.

 

Kenny wants to see the image the lines make up.

 

Pay attention.

 

Kenny knows that this was not said in any context other than Kenny taking down notes. However, he felt a double meaning. Even if there wasn’t one.

 

Pay attention…

 

There is something to his friend lately that Kenny can’t pinpoint. He knows Craig likes him. Even with Craig and Tweeks awkward dynamic. Kenny knows; he also knows he doesn’t like him back. However, he can’t help but want to touch him and be near Craig as of late. Even their forearms brushing against each other feels strangely magnetic. Not in a romantic attraction way, but in a familiar way. As if Kenny is used to the physical contact.

 

It’s the same person and Kenny is digging to find a new pattern. People are more than what you perceive .

 

Kenny lets out a yawn, tired of thinking about this. He decides instead to pull the ugly, beaten down comforter of his over his frame. Drift off to sleep.

 

*

“Get closer you two.” Kenny can hear a clearer voice in this dream. It sounds monotone and nasally. And Kenny swears he recognizes it, but can’t quite place his finger on who it belongs to.

 

The eyes are smeared but the mouth...plush. The nose a hook shape, crooked. The owner has a shock of ginger hair that is pulled back into two pigtails...Ruby Tucker. It comes to Kenny as things start to become less distorted. Her twisted eyes clear, untangling and Kenny can now make out the traditional Tucker sleepy eyes. Big and on Ruby, rimmed with strawberry blond. Ruby’s are not the same color as Craig’s, they have different fathers and a lot of different pigmentations. Though you can see the resemblance. They still look like their mother, the two of them.

 

Kenny feels an arm being slung around his frame. Feels himself awkwardly smile for Ruby who has a camera in her grip. His head turns to who the arm belongs to; he’s greeted with Craig.

 

So that means…

 

“Oh god! Um! cheese?” Kenny feels his lips move on their own will. He’s Tweek.

 

There is a flash from the camera, and it all fades to white. Kenny is again in the hallway, it’s the same place as the last dream like this. Except it’s crystal clear now. Kenny’s seen this hallway through his own eyes, knows every face. Including his own. He sees himself with his head throwing back in laughter at something Bebe was telling him. Though in his dream

Kenny walks passed himself to his locker. Fumbling to get it open with quivering hands. Again, a book falls out. Kenny reaches to get it. He can see the polaroid taped down on the front of it now.

 

It’s Tweek and Craig. 

 

It looks like some kind of exhibit at the Denver planetarium in the background. Craig’s got his arm around Tweek who is looking at him. An awkward smile written on his countenance. They look much younger. Way younger. Middle school aged.

Kenny’s fingers brush over the picture briefly, shaking. He puts the book back. Closes the locker. 

 

*

When Kenny wakes he breathes in sharply. Like he just figured out the worlds biggest secret.

 

He was dreaming, that all couldn’t be real.

 

It felt real, though. It felt so real. Like he was reliving a memory. Kenny swipes at his eyes. No, it’s probably the amount of coffee he has been consuming. You can’t just relive someone else’s memory.

 

Right?

 

*

 

“Well, if it isn’t Mr. Mccormick.” Professor Burnbauer announces as Kenny walks into his office. He teaches most of the nursing courses along with a stout middle aged woman. She’s has a gentle demeanor but is stern. Doesn’t tolerate bullshit. Mr Burnbauer is the opposite. Looking mean and kind of sharp tongued. With thick eyebrows that naturally dip, making him look constantly angry or frustrated. Brown hair with bangs that swipe across his forehead. Big and tall, chubby. With thick arms and stomach and legs.

 

The thing is that while he’s more quiet and comes off mean, his sense of humor is golden. He’s stern as well but also adds a tinge of comedy to his teaching.

 

He’s Kenny’s favorite teacher.

 

Kenny pulls one of the lose chairs up to Zachariah’s desk. That’s his first name, and Kenny tries to refrain from using it out of respect. Although it slips out from time to time.

 

“Professor Burnbauer,” Kenny starts. He wants to just get to the chase, he and Zachariah have gotten pretty close over the passed year. He knows Kenny, knows he doesn’t really beat around the bush.

 

“What is it now, Kenneth? If it’s about your assignment; I know of your accident. It’s been extended.” The professor questions as he stirs his cup of tea with sugar. 

 

“No...no. It’s uh. Well.” Kenny tries but it doesn’t come out. Zachariah looks at him, perplexed.

 

Kenny comes to a halt. 

 

This is another secret he’ll have to keep. It dawns on him now. How wild would it sound to say “I’m relieving a friends memories.” Most already think Kenny is a bit unstable. He used to try to tell people about his deaths. Even killed himself infront of others tostretch that even further. Hoping that somehow someone would believe him.

 

They didn’t. They still don’t.

 

“It was just related to that assignment. I didn’t quite understand…” Kenny says instead. Zachariah look to him as if he knows he’s lying. Knows he’s got something to hide. He must dismiss it, he goes on about the details of the paper again.

 

*

 

When Kenny leaves the school he heads to work. His Subaru is beaten but still runs after some tlc. It purring comes to a halt as he turns his key in its ignition.

 

The first thing Kenny looks to is Craig. He’s at his usual place at the front desk. Reading something off his cellphone. Kenny feels a wash of yearning come over him that he doesn’t think can possibly belong to him.

 

All of the sudden he feels the phantom touch of the others arm around him like in his dreams. He yearns for the others hand in his palm. Like that’s where it’s meant to be.

 

Kenny nods his head at the other as he head back to the garage. 

 

No matter what strange thing is happening to Kenny he can’t let it effect real time. He goes to read his tasks for the day. He’ll think about Craig and even talk to him later. Stan was supposed to meet them at the local bar anyways. Maybe Kenny can do some digging to see if these are actually memories or a fabrication.


	6. The Bomb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He contemplated the mysteries of the universe and he contemplated how much work he would have to do to catch up in the classes he missed today and he contemplated how fucked up this all was. How Tweek was feeling and he was feeling and where did Kenny fit into this fucked up teen show love triangle. This wasn’t Riverdale and he wasn’t Betty choosing between Archie and Jughead.

Craig Tucker wasted so much of his life yearning for something more. He wanted to see the world, fly to the moon. Go to the best college, study harder, work more, be better. He sat at his desk with his little silver macbook and did practise essays for better colleges. He spent nights having “study” dates with Tweek that consisted on him quietly doing his homework while Tweek played Kingdom Hearts on silent or tried to distract him from whatever he was reading.

“You work so hard.” He could feel Tweek’s hands on his shoulders and squeezing them. He had strong piano player hands, covered in cuts and burns from the coffee shop. “Just come lay down for a little bit.” He wanted to lay down for a little bit. He wanted to play nintendo switch and watch Red Racer. He wanted to hang out at Tweak bros all day when he wasn’t working there. He wanted to lighten up, have fun. But Wendy Testaburger wasn’t out just having fun. Neither was Heidi Turner or Kyle Broflovski. None of these people were just out having fun. They were building resumes, volunteering. Becoming exceptional people. He was not an exceptional person. He just needed a little more.

That’s how he ended up here at Parks County Community college sandwiched between Stan Marsh, who was currently writing lyrics to a very syrupy looking love song and Tweek who was writing a blog post about how he was sure the government was logging into our Netflix account and watching our shows secretly to see what they can gather on us. Not in some big lecture hall or wandering a cool ivy coated campus. He was here, he would never leave this place.

“I know you watch a lot of true crime documentaries.” He felt Tweek’s eyes on him accusing. “You need to delete your history baby!” He hissed at him. He pretended he didn’t hear that last part. He peeked over at Kenny, next to Stan. He saw the familiar forest green background of Tweek’s blog on his phone. This wasn’t funny anymore. He tossed a wadded up piece of notebook paper at him and motioned towards the board. 

“This will all be on your quiz. Make sure you read the last three chapters in your history book.” Their teacher droned on. He was young, a TA who was barely making ends meet, so he certainly didn’t care about their class. This was an ends to a means.

“Don’t forget, we’re meeting at Coco’s tonight.” Stan looked at his phone as they walked out of the classroom. “They don't check IDs on college night.” He was already making plans to forget to read the last three chapters for their history class. He was about to turn to Kenny and ask him if he needed help getting caught up in class, but he was gone too. He mumbled something about talking to his nursing professor. It was just him and Tweek.

“I have to work tonight.” He was telling Tweek as they walked to the little blue Ford Fiesta his dad fixed up for him. Blue for him, red for Red, graduation gifts the best way he knew how. He could fix up a car, he could thank Craig over and over again for staying home, working at the shop. Save a little money, make the financial burden of college easier on his mother and him. He would do it for them, he checked the numbers, collected the data. 

“Do you want me to bring you something to eat?” Tweek tossed his bag in the backseat and sat up front with Craig, instantly going to the driver’s side. Tweek always drove, he didn’t really trust other people’s driving. He drove Craig’s car more than he did and that was fine with him, he wasn’t really a great driver anyways.

He was thinking about Kenny. He was looking out the window and thinking about how he would see him at work tonight. How they would smile at each other and make small talk. He would feel Kenny look over his shoulder at whatever he was reading on his phone. Kenny smelled like sharp citrus musk cologne, something he probably found at Target. The metallic grease smell from the cars and he wore coveralls and sometimes he wore them half up and he looked like something out of a hunky mechanics calendar. He felt so gangly and childlike next to Kenny with his broad chest and his defined arms and shoulders. He instinctively crossed his skinny little arms over his bony chest. He wasn’t hunky, no one would describe Craig Tucker as hunky. He had big round eyes and soft looking round cheeks with freckles and braces. He was carded at a rated R movie last week with Tweek, who spent a good ten minutes laughing at him. Kenny made his cheeks heat up and his skin feel hot. He was attracted to Tweek, they were very attracted to each other when they were younger. But he had never felt anything like this. It was like he had been awoken from a long sleep. Like the way the grass was all lush and green under the snow when it finally melted after the long winter. 

It was normal to want easy. To just settle for what you’re given. But you should strive and fight and want. Kenny was that. He was something to strive for. He knew Kenny didn’t like him. He was sure Kenny was straight to begin with. But he wanted him all the same.

“Baby, are you listening?” Tweek gently shook him out of his Kenny infused daydream. He looked back at him and smiled a little closed mouth smile. 

 

“Im sorry, I was thinking about the three chapters we have to read this week.” He pulled his coat tighter around his thin frame and turned to Tweek. “Are you just going to drop me off and come pick me up tonight?” Sometimes Tweek did that and he just let him take his car. He always brought it back, he never worried about that. Sometimes he just walked to the coffee shop from Craig’s work and he would walk back that night before the bar. Either way, he was fine with whatever Tweek wanted. He had particular needs and Craig was good at abiding by these things.

“Do you mind Craig? It's so cold and you know how I feel about coats.” Tweek pulled in front of the body shop and reached across Craig to open his door. He grabbed his backpack and hugged Tweek out of habit. The gentle touches and easy affection, he felt he was only pushing himself back.They had broken up, but he still felt like they were a couple. This wasn’t what he wanted. He was supposed to find himself. Have great romantic adventures. Have a fling with a man at college. Maybe a TA who recognized how mature he was despite the fact he still looked like a tall fourteen year old. A tall sexy TA with blond hair and stubble, he loved stubble. He was thinking about this when Kenny came up for the night’s appointments. He was just staring off into space thinking about his sexy TA fling when his eyes drifted to Kenny.

“Hey space cadet, we’re still on for Coco’s?” Kenny leaned over the desk and he felt his cheeks heat up like they always did. He was embarrassed all of a sudden like Kenny could read his mind so he buried his face in his phone. He was pretending to be engrossed in a snap sent by Clyde proudly showing off the sixth taco place he found in Denver so far.

“Of course.” He said in his put upon neutral voice. He would do that when he was masking what he was ACTUALLY thinking about. He was pathetic, he was alone. He was making up romantic scenarios with people who didn’t exist to escape the ones that did. He liked Kenny. Kenny didn’t like him. Tweek might have still liked him, it was hard to really tell, he didn’t know if he wanted to go running back like a failure. He set out for a great journey but he barely made it out the front door.

He was drunk. He was a lightweight and he always got drunk far too quickly. Drowning different sorts of drinks, try everything, experience everything. He tried this slushy blue thing called a shark bowl that was a fruity rum frozen drink with a gummy shark on top. He drank two of them and one peach margarita. All three were huge and heavy on the rum.

“You are very drunk.” Tweek brushed his black hair out of his eyes and adjusted his hat on his head. He felt his fingertips stroke over the tips of his pointy elf ears, pushing his black hair behind them. “This is prom night drunk.” Tweek smiled and Stan laughed and threw an arm around his bony shoulder. He did get epically drunk on prom night due to a flask Clyde sneaked in for them. He ended up asking Tweek to carry him everywhere “like Ariana Grande.” Threw up on his converse shoes and was hungover for two days afterwards. It was a very long night for everyone. The group called him Ari for two weeks and he wanted to murder them. 

“These drinks taste like slurpees.” He slurred leaning into Stan and feeling him nudge him back towards Tweek. He put his hands on his waist to steady him for a moment before gently dumping him back in the booth next to Kenny. 

“I'm going to get you some water.” Tweek told him as Stan joined him at the bar to grab another beer for Kenny and him. He turned to Kenny with his big round doll eyes and looked into his blue ones. 

“Would you like to discuss some crazy science?” He asked Kenny seriously before a little hiccup escaped his lips. His baggy sweater fell off one freckled shoulder and Kenny was watching him too, like he was trying to decipher something in his face. The mysteries of the universe and the role each of them played in it. Or he was trying to decide how much time he had before Craig puked all over him like he did on prom night. Kenny looked very alert, he was stone sober. That could have been because he was on painkillers from his accident and you can't mix these things without driving into another tree. It could have be because someone had to stay sober to drive everyone home, Stan and him were already drunk while Tweek and Kenny were sober. It could be because it was a school night and Kenny had a number of things to catch up on. It could be a number of things, but the bottom line was Kenny was stone sober and he was so drunk he couldn’t think.

“Of course I would like to discuss crazy science with you Craiggo.” Kenny had this soft, almost fond smile on his face. It was different from his normal toothy grin. It was small and gentle and he felt Kenny hold him up, keeping him from putting his head on the table. “Tell me about your crazy science.” He leaned into Kenny and could smelled that sexy man smell he had. The cologne and the metallic edge from the garage. He felt himself clutch at the front of Kenny’s Carhartt jacket, the working class fashions of South Park and try to hold himself back up.

“Sorry Kenny, ngh.” Tweek was back and the spell was broken. It was like it had always been. Tweek squeezed in next to him and passed over a bottle of Dasani water. “Drink this entire thing before we leave.” Tweek gently chided. He wasn’t as shaky as he used to be, he wasn’t as anxious. Craig on the other hand had become very anxious and stressed and overworked. They had swapped gradually before either of them had even realized it had happened. Tweek now handed out water bottles to drunk Craig and made sure he didn’t puke all over his shoes. He had become the caretaker.

“It's all good.” Kenny’s grin was easy going and toothy again. That little gap in his front teeth, it was endearing. He leaned back casually in the booth and took the bottle of craft beer Stan offered. A hoppy IPA like they all were. He had this look on his face like he had something to say, like there was more to this story. But sometimes, stories went unfinished for the night. 

Tweek drove him home and made sure he got to bed. He carried him up the stairs on his back, giving him a piggyback ride. He buried his face in the back of Tweek’s neck and let him gently lay him on the bed. He took off his vans, his coat and hat. He laid Craig on his side, if he puked during the night, he wouldn’t choke to death then. That was one of Tweek’s biggest fears, Craig would die in his sleep. The bed shifted as Tweek laid down in his spot, the left side of the bed. He felt him put an arm around his waist like old times, he was always the big spoon, Craig the little spoon. He had put a glass of water and a bottle of aleve on the bedside table for the morning. He took care of him, he always took care of him. He thought about the life they could have, it would be so easy. He thought about the moment with Kenny in the booth, his hand curled in the front of his jacket. He thought about his cologne and his eyes. The calloused hands that gently nudged him awake in the booth. His slight lower class accent, the rounded words. He thought about Tweek’s arms around his waist, how easy this all was. If he turned around, they would kiss. Tweek would roll on top of him and he would spread his legs for him. They would have very satisfactory sex and Tweek was by all accounts, a very good partner. But did he want just satisfactory? Was he just drunk and alone and sorta horny and there was someone here? He rolled over and looked at Tweek. He had green eyes. A crooked nose. He smelled like coffee and he wore his hair in a stubby little ponytail. He looked good in green and he was here. He was taking care of him. He always took care of him.

“Why do you keep doing this?” He looked over at Tweek, took in his features and took in his role in the universe. “I broke your heart and here you are.” He reached over and put his hand on Tweek’s bicep and squeezed to tether himself to this earthly plane. He was floating in space, he was between what he wanted and what he needed. He wanted Kenny, but clearly someone needed to be looking after him because he was a stupid teenager who drank too much shark bowl and needed to be tucked in like a fucking child.

“Because you’re my person.” He could have meant that in the Meredith Gray/Cristina Yang soulmate best friend way. He could have meant that in the way they were the two left. Everyone else had gone and here they were. Or he could have meant that in you’re my person, I will love you. He didn’t know which one he wanted tonight.

“Do you want me?” He looked at Tweek with his big eyes and moved closer to him. The air underneath Craig’s sheets and blankets were hot and he could feel it envelope him. He had on his big sweater, but Tweek was kind enough to remove his jeans. He felt Tweek’s eyes on him and his hands on his waist, sliding under his sweater and over his skin. His skin felt slightly damp under his sweater from the warmth of the bed clothes and the flushed feeling of the alcohol.

“You know I do, but you’re drunk and I'm not going to do that to you.” He just wrapped him into his arms and tangled their awkward limbs together. That’s what good men did, they took care of you. They didn't take advantage of you because you’re drunk and you're lonely and you like a boy who doesn't like you back. He fell in an uneasy drunk sleep where nothing felt real and he kept waking up. The cold gray light of morning slicing through the blinds and turning the room cold blue.

“How are you?” Tweek brushed the hair out of his eyes and off his forehead. He was so shaky and queasy from sugary alcohol. He knew he was going to puke, so it wasn’t an if, it was a when. He spent the morning laying on the bathroom floor on and off, it was so cool against his cheek. Tweek eventually went home, he sent him home and he laid in bed. He looked up at his ceiling, to his paste on glow in the dark stars. He contemplated the mysteries of the universe and he contemplated how much work he would have to do to catch up in the classes he missed today and he contemplated how fucked up this all was. How Tweek was feeling and he was feeling and where did Kenny fit into this fucked up teen show love triangle. This wasn’t Riverdale and he wasn’t Betty choosing between Archie and Jughead. This was real life and he was about to throw a bomb in the life of someone.

He just hoped the blow back and the shrapnel didn’t kill anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has some Creek in it, so there you go.


	7. Chapter 7

_ “Do you want me?” _

 

He’s dreaming again. Kenny knows this to be true. There is no way his fingers would be curled around Craig’s waist in real time. The other face is flushed, eyelids kissing the apples of freckled cheeks. Kenny can feel his heart flutter as his hands, Tweeks hands. Slip under the fabric of too big sweater. 

 

The first thing Kenny recognizes is that Craig isn’t a kid in this scenario. Kenny eyes eat up the scenery of the others lithe body on display. The exposure of skin from Craig’s lifted up shirt. Kenny can feel Tweeks heart stammer with desire.

 

Or is that himself?

 

_ “You know I do, but you’re drunk and I'm not going to do that to you.” _

 

It falls from the lips that belong and don’t quite belong to Kenny. He moves to wrap himself around Craig. Buries his nose into the sweet smelling black hair. Closes his eyes but doesn’t quite slumber. Tweek doesn’t sleep often, Kenny knows this as fact. 

 

Kenny’s hands are slender and long and wrap around Craig with ease. He rubs circles with his thumb into Craig’s flesh. As if trying to connect the littering of freckles together, trying to make sense and form out of the marking. As if they are constellations.

 

When Kenny opens his eyes, he wakes up holding onto a discolored and chunky pillow. It’s lost its fluff and life after years of wear and tear.

 

He doesn't deny that he wishes this was Craig.

 

*

 

Tricia and Karen are in their usual placement on a Saturday morning. Planted at the Mccormick table. Karen is twisting butterfly clips into Tricia’s hair. Makeup scattered amongst the surface of the table. She’s somewhat of a cosmetologist. Kenny remembers sitting for her in the confines of his stuffy bed room in mid July. This memory sticks out the most because of the sweat that would gather on his forehead and slip down his cheeks. He remembers Karen’s frustration at this.

 

“Can you just stop sweating for one minute.” As if he could control his perspiring.

 

Kenny looks to Tricia rather briefly before having to do a double take. He’s never noticed how much she’s grown. It’s strange for him to think it, and he’s struck with the thought of “oh god, I’m old and she’s getting old and shit and god.” It’s a Tweek thought, Kenny knows it is. He stifles it. Opts to pour some cereal and water into a bowl.

 

“That’s so fucking disgusting.” Karen says without bothering to look. She already knows Kenny’s routine. No matter how shared their poverty is, she refuses some things. Cereal and water being one of them. 

 

“Better than pop tarts. Again.” Kenny retorts as he takes a seat in between the two girls. They don’t bother paying attention to him. They have big big plans of going to some house concert with no time to waste. Kenny knows their routine, within an hour Firkle would pull up in his fathers minivan and they’d drive off to do whatever before they party. Karen has Kenny on speed dial. She knows if there is trouble he’ll haul his ass to her.

 

Kenny finishes off the cereal. His cellphone in his grasp. He’s looking over Craig’s facebook. He didn’t really even realize he was doing it until he put his spoon down and zoned out of the trance he was in. 

 

A sigh falls from his lips and he presses the off button to his phone. The screen is black and he stands to put his dishes away. 

 

“You going to work?” Karen pries as she fluffs her hair in the little hand held mirror Ruby brought with her. He shrugs, meaning I fucking guess. And goes to his room to get ready for the shift he honestly forgot he has. 

 

Thank god he didn’t drink.

 

*

 

When Kenny walks into the Tucker’s auto mechanic shop, his eyes immediately fall on Craig. He again has his nose stuffed into his phone. As per usual. Kenny plucks his cup of coffee from where it’s rested next to him, which garners the others attention. Kenny grins at him.

 

“Morning.” He says as he chugs the remainder of Craig’s coffee. His blues fall on Craig’s brown. And Kenny is stricken with that phantom touch again. He wants to place his hand on Craig’s cheek and run his fingertips down the length of his face. Feel those freckled constellations that Tweek was searching for.

 

Kenny stifles that.

 

“Rudeness.” Craig mumbles in his usual nasal, he looks groggy and hungover. Kenny is not shocked by this in the slightest.

 

“There is plenty of coffee, Craig.” Kenny laughs out. Craig just shakes his head. Kenny watches as his hair falls in front of his face, and without much thought into it he reaches a hand out. As if he is going to push a few strands of the black tresses behind the others ear. Kenny is stuck. Frozen and his tongue darts out to wet his lips. He drops his hand before he can, before Craig can see.

 

Kenny needs to get away. Needs to think. So he retreats to where cars that need to be fixed up wait for him. 

 

And he thinks.

 

These are Tweeks thoughts, Tweeks feelings, Tweeks desires. They’re all Tweeks but they are so prominent that Kenny can’t help but think they’re his. When he thinks of Craig, of kissing him or just touching him his heart flutters with yearning.

 

He’s checking fluids, he’s avoiding Craig’s eye contact or conversation. He’s trying to muffle this. It wouldn’t be fair to Craig if Kenny were to jump his bones, knowing he likes him. Especially because of feelings that don’t belong to him.

 

Kenny needs to make this stop. Needs to know what is happening. No amount of research is helping him get anywhere. It feels futile.

 

All he can do is accept this as another weird South Park thing. 

 

By the time the shift is over Kenny walks out of his work area sweat drenched and stained with car oils. He’s frustrated, conflicted, yearning. And there Craig is, packing up in his too big sweater. Kenny is brought back to his dream of the other last night. Of baggy shirts and exposed flesh. It’s too much, way too overwhelming. And though gritted teeth he swoops in front of Craig. Resting an elbow on his counter.

 

“Lets hang out tonight. Me, you.” Kenny starts. It’s not a date. It’s not. He needs to feel this out. He’s too filled with complex emotions towards someone he doesn’t know if he ever felt anything for, or ever allowed himself to.

 

Kenny needs to know what HE feels about Craig. Not Tweek. 

 

“Is this. Are you asking me out?” Craig blinks with his big, doll like eyes and Kenny bites at his lower lip at it. Pretty.

 

“No. I mean...maybe? Lets just...I don’t know. Hang out. Smoke. Get food.” Kenny tries. Craig hmmms at him. But Kenny can tell there is an underline buzz of excitement under Craig’s skin. And god, shit. Kenny hopes these feelings are valid and his.

 

He doesn’t think he could stand breaking Craig’s heart.

 

“Ok.” 


	8. The Constellation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tried not to look hopeful, he tried not to look desperate. He was cool. He was cool when he was younger, he was Craig Tucker who didn’t give a shit. Now he was Craig Tucker who studied too much and worried too much and yearned too much for something more. He discovered being cool didn’t mean shit anymore. Being cool didn’t get you into a good college or into the arms of this boy he wanted.

Craig Tucker wondered if this is what it felt like before you die. The dull, pounding ache behind his eyes, his stomach lurching at any smell. He smelled like fruity rum and it seeped out of his skin in a cloud of nausea. This dull, pounding headache, it's all he could feel. The scenes of last night playing over and over, hazy like half finished movies. All he did was break his toys, break them like he broke Tweek’s heart over and over again. He broke it again last night and he knew he would do it again while he pined for another boy. 

That being said, he was responsible. He woke up and he took a shower and then he threw up in the shower, sickly sweet like alcoholic slushie. He cleaned up the blue goo and got ready for his day. He was going to go to into work and do the best job he could. That was his sense of duty, the reason he stayed home with his family. Make some money, help them out. He wanted to die though, this was the worst he had ever felt, not just physically. He pulled on his navy wool toggle coat and nestled into the warmth of his car, just trying to find his footing in this world at the moment. 

“I'm going to stop by and get a cup of coffee.” He texted Tweek as he drove. He had on huge sunglasses and he couldn’t even bear to listen to music in the car. This was the sorriest state he felt he had ever been in. He was supposed to have his life together, not get wasted on a work night and curl up in bed with his ex boyfriend. He hurt Tweek, he knew he did. He could hear himself asking him if he still wanted him. He covered his face with his hands as he got in line.

“Here you go kitten.” Tweek handed him a venti americano with a splash of almond milk. He came out from behind the counter and wrapped both arms around him in a comforting hug. “You’re up and moving, why didn’t you just take, ngh, the day off?” He asked him. He looked so bright eyed and rested. Well for Tweek. He still had dark circles ringing his green eyes and his hair was coming out of his little ponytail. He buried his face in the front of Tweek’s work apron, it smelled like coffee and sweet pastry cream. He was doing this again, he always did this. When things were though, he ran to Tweek. When he didn’t feel well or everything was just so _hard_ , Tweek was there to pick him up. He was stuck in relationship purgatory. He was never going to get out. He would live there until he wasn’t afraid to push through that wall, to walk out the door and find that adventure he searched for. It would take courage, strength and he felt he had neither at this moment where he was focused on not vomiting. 

“Thank you for the coffee and taking care of me last night. Im really sorry about how I behaved.” He pulled his navy blue wool toggle coat tighter around his skinny fram. “That was so uncalled for.” He took a sip of his coffee and visually shuddered at how good it tasted, how good the warmth felt on his scratchy, acid burnt throat. 

“Its nothing, I’ll always be there to take care of you kitten.” Tweek put his hand on the small of his back and walked him to his car. He gave him a gentle hug and opened the door for him like a gentleman. He gave Tweek a little wave as he drove off and he was smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror and if that wasn’t the world’s sickest metaphor, than he didn’t know what was. 

Kenny seemed off today and he flushed and looked at his phone. He probably made a fool of himself last night. He probably threw himself at Kenny and acted like a complete fool. He busied himself reading a text from Clyde. He was in college in Denver and having big city sort of adventures. Finding new Taco places, meeting girls. He wasn’t going to the school down the street, he wondered if he made the right choice sometimes. If he should have taken the partial scholarship to Vassar and figured out the rest. He would be somewhere else getting to be someone else and not pining after a straight friend while stringing along his ex boyfriend. He was a bad person. He was selfish and immature. He gave Kenny a little closed mouth smile as he grabbed three quarts of synthetic oil. Kenny looked conflicted, like he wanted to come up and hang around the desk and talk and drink his coffee, which he did. But he had this air of avoidance. He couldn’t look at him. All he wanted was for him to see him.

He was closing up the shop, getting the deposit ready and filing the paperwork. He watched Kenny sort of dance around him. He didn’t know what to say either, this was so out of his depth. It was so easy with Tweek, it was almost this arranged thing. Now he was on his own, he was figuring out these feelings as he went along. He was scared and he felt alone.

“Do you like, want to get something to eat or smoke or something?” He looked unsure of himself and of them hanging out alone. They didn’t really hang out alone much anymore. This was probably his fault. He was probably making Kenny uncomfortable. Or maybe there was more to this. Maybe this was the moment where they both realized that there was more than just eating shitty fast food and driving around all night. Maybe there was some yearning to Kenny as well. Craig had to be brave, he had to take a chance. Sometimes you have to go after what you want. Whether it be straight As or acceptance to a good college. Or maybe you need clarification if a boy you liked wanted to take you out.

“Are you asking me out?” He tried not to look hopeful, he tried not to look desperate. He was cool. He was cool when he was younger, he was Craig Tucker who didn’t give a shit. Now he was Craig Tucker who studied too much and worried too much and yearned too much for something more. He discovered being cool didn’t mean shit anymore. Being cool didn’t get you into a good college or into the arms of this boy he wanted. Sometimes being honest was best, but it was terrifying. He looked over at Kenny with those eyes and they were his best feature and his best flirting technique and he wanted to look at Kenny through his lashes. So he did. He looked at Kenny with his big sweet doll eyes and he hoped that it got him somewhere.

“Yeah, I am.” He heard that slight hint of hesitance on the back half. He knew Kenny was humouring him. He could humour and him and this could be the start of something. He would take it.

“What would you like to do?” He asked him softly. He expected a party or a movie, something easy. Somewhere any boy would take him, but Kenny wasn’t any boy. He was always something special. This bright sun of a boy who brought joy when people needed it or listened when you had a bad day. He expected the unexpected. 

“Let's do something that we used to when we were younger.” Kenny gave him that crooked half smile. “Bring your telescope space cadet.” He brushed his hair out of his eyes and touched the tip of his elf ear gently. “I’ll pick you up at 7:30.” His voice was low and he felt it in his chest and it spread through his skinny limbs like warm honey.

“I’ll see you then.” The flush in his cheeks lit up his skin and forced himself not to look away. Keep Kenny’s gaze for a moment.

He packed his telescope and two thermos of hot cocoa and the fresh baked chocolate chip cookies he remembered giving Kenny tins of when they were younger. When he needed a little more and Craig just a little less. He wore his warmest sweater and his chullo hat. He looked like Craig Tucker and he was going on a date with Kenny McCormick. He grabbed three warm blankets and he waited. 7:30 couldn’t come quick enough. He couldn’t wait to see him, just sit next to him and look at the stars. 

Kenny picked him up and they listened to Lunar Vacation on low as they drove to Stark’s Pond. It was a clear, cold beautiful night. He was sitting next to a handsome boy in a war car, listening to beautiful music. It was all he wanted. He couldn’t ask for more and he didn’t deserve more. This was everything and he looked out the window at the stars and it made him feel something he hadn’t felt in ages.

He laid the blankets down and he set up the telescope. It worked as well as it did when he was thirteen years old and this was his favourite gift. He remembered Kenny and him sitting for hours looking out at the stars through that thing and he would never tire of it. The company and the night sky.

“I made these for you.” He gave him the tin of chocolate chip cookies and a thermos of hot cocoa. Just like they did when they were kids. He watched Kenny take a cookie and he looked as charmed as he did back then. 

“Tell me what you see Craiggo.” Kenny laid back on the blanket with his arms tucked behind his head like a pillow. “I like when you explain it.” He looked over at him. Craig could see Orion the great hunter. It was beautiful and it was bright. He had only seen it once before and he saw it here tonight with Kenny McCormick. 

“I see Orion the great hunter.” He told him softly. “Its beautiful, so beautiful and it's so bright out here.” He couldn’t believe it, it was perfect. The most perfect moment. He wanted to see more, he wondered if he looked hard enough, he could see Taurus. 

“You sound like you’re in awe.” Kenny was sitting up next to him now. “You always sound like this when you talk about the sky.” Kenny’s eyes were on him and they were so blue. He felt Kenny put one of his warm, slightly rough hands on his cheek and stroke over his skin gently. 

“I see so many constellations right here.” He told him, voice low. “Over your skin, your cheeks.” He dared look up at him and he nuzzled his cheek into his hand. 

“Which one do you see?” He asked him and he was quivering slightly. He had never been so nervous. But he wouldn’t trade this night for anything. This moment in time which felt so fragile, like it was spun out of silk. He was afraid if he spoke too much, it would break. He wanted to handle this with care. 

“They don’t have a name yet, but that can be remedied.” He gently titled his face up gently to look into his dark eyes and they were so big and shining. Big beautiful doe eyes. He leaned forward and Craig closed his eyes. This was it, this moment and it was sweet and gentle and it felt like the beginning of something. But he didn’t want to go too fast. He wanted it to stay as sweet as it was.

Kenny put his lips gently on his hand. Like a prince from a story his mother would read to him when he was a kid. He opened his eyes and he met Kenny’s and there was this spark. This jolt he hadn’t felt in a long time. Kenny lips on his hand, his eyes on his. 

Kenny drove him home, they took the long way. Going through South Park, all the things they new by heart. The little diner where Kenny took him for his birthday every year. Cheese fries and cherry vanilla milkshakes. The little book shop where you could still find used paperbacks and they had a cat wandering around. Clyde’s dad’s house, he spent so many hours there. He felt this weird rush of emotion looking at it, he never really allowed himself to miss Clyde like he should. He wanted to treat this place as temporary. But all these roots he had put down, they were here and these people he knew. This night was so perfect, it made him almost sentimental and that wasn’t him.

But it could be. He knew Tweek changed him for the better. Made him more open for exploring the emotional and he was so fucking emotional right now. It was ok to yearn for things and want to be close to people. He could accept it and maybe this was him being brave. He was finally ready to walk out that door and go on this big adventure. He deserved that and Kenny did too. 

“Thank you for stargazing with me tonight.” He told Kenny as they pulled up in front of the Tucker’s blue Victorian style house. A very easy going ending to a perfect night. 

“You’re welcome Craig, I enjoyed myself.” He leaned over Craig and opened his door for him, like a gentleman. He didn’t kiss him and that was ok. He didn’t know where they stood, but he knew it was a step forward. 

He laid in bed that night and thought about Kenny. He knew this was still uncertain and they hadn’t defined anything. He didn’t know where they stood, but he knew he had to brave. He had to be ready for the next step. He looked up at his ceiling where his glow in the dark stars once were and he held this night to him like it was a precious thing. The night where he decided he was ready for his grand adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are folks, the big date.


End file.
